Hermit Mode: An Introduction
My 2024 photo dump was mostly of me by myself.
Hermit Mode can be loosely defined as a period of self-imposed isolation where a person focuses on big things and avoids distractions. This period can last a weekend, a week, or however long you need to recalibrate.
Since before I can remember, I spent majority of my time alone - not because I didn’t have friends (though there were times when that was true) but because I often lacked the energy to keep up. My space cadet mind always felt like it was orbiting just outside reality. I’d start a conversation grounded, but after ten minutes, I’d float away.
Where do I go? Everywhere. One moment, I’m engaged in someone’s story, and the next, I’m in a quiet corner of my mind, wondering why it’s been so long since I felt genuinely excited about anything.
To cope, I turned inward. Growing up, this worked for me. If I was sad about a friend at school or anxious about a looming project, I’d retreat to my thoughts and figure out how to make myself feel better. It was my way of healing. And it became a habit - a survival strategy.
But there’s a cost to living in your head.
Whenever I enter Hermit Mode, it’s usually with a purpose. Maybe I need to focus on work or school. Maybe I’m trying to untangle an existential crisis. Whatever the reason, I disappear. I tackle what I need to, find my footing again, and then reemerge as if nothing happened.
But for the people close to me, something did happen. From their perspectives, I vanished without explanation, ignored them for weeks or months, and came back acting like it was all fine. Ouch.
Lately, I’ve been in a longer hermit mode. Perhaps more of a partial one because I am trying to strike a balance so that I don’t completely disappear. But I’ve been closed off and in my head. Marinating. A lot.
So, that brings me to Hermit Mode with Vanessa. These pieces of writing (blogs? essays?) will be a peephole into my mind when the world feels overwhelming. There is no theme, no schedule, and sometimes no sense. Just unfiltered, real thoughts. My existential crises, moments of self-awareness, and the things I have learned along the way. Think of this as my refined diary.
If it seems confusing or strange, I get it. Trust me. Read (or don’t) at your own risk.
Thank you for being here.